Saturday, June 1, 2019

What would I do if I was running for UK PM?

The tory leadership race in Britain will decide the next Prime Minister - assuming the government does not somehow collapse before then. This article caught my eye and it started me wondering what I'd do if I was running.

My view of the problem is thus: No one 'idea' has whippage force of 50%+1 of the Parliament. This causes "chaos" and is a bigger problem than Brexit itself. It is this that is the "mess" that everyone is referring to. 

As such my campaign would be as follows.

First, I think Brexit is an awful, awful idea. I think the nation was stupid for voting for it and once Brexit is said and done, I'm going to move to Scotland and campaign for Independence so that I can rejoin the EU. This will mean, of course, my term as PM will end. During my term I will do one and only one thing and that is pull the UK out of the EU. Why?

Because we had a referendum and that's how people voted. "But you think the people chose wrong!" Aye, I do, but we are a democracy and it is their fundamental right to be wrong. Government is simply there to fulfill the will of the people.

To this end I will do 3 things. First. As soon as I take office I call a meeting of the Parliamentary Party. This will be an open meeting, meaning public cameras. Attendance will be required. Any member not attending and not having a damn good excuse - like being laid up in hospital - will be assumed to have quit the party, and have the whip removed, and their membership card declared invalid.

At this meeting I will ask a simple question. "May's Deal or No Deal" and we will vote on these, and only these, two options. I will not vote. In the event of a tie, I will vote and thus break the tie. In the event of abstentions, whichever proposal has more votes, even if less than half, is adopted.

Next, I inform the party that this is now our official party stance. And that any member unwilling to vote this way in Parliament needs to hand in their membership card and resign the whip. This is key. I fully expect to lose a few dozen members. This is when we go to the next stage.

I attempt to see if I can get a majority in Parliament for my proposal. Any members that lied to me (IE said they could support it but then oppose it) are removed from the party. If I can get a majority, hurrah. I then do everything possible to ram it through the lords - if even necessary - and stay PM until the bill passes, and the EU says "okay, goodbye" if no deal, or "alright its a deal" if may's deal. Then, Brexit is over. I call a leadership election for the Conservative party, and purchase property west lothian.

If I do not get a majority, I put the property purchase on hold while I hold a general election. I will campaign on one and only one thing - that my party will do what my party said it would do, and, then I will resign. If I lose the election, which is bloody likely, I resign as leader on election night and refuse to take my seat (or, resign it, if I can't refuse it). If I win, I then, again, try to pass whatever we agreed to, by making it the entirety of my throne speech and my first bill, and if it fails again, I inform her majesty of the failure, suggest the opposition leader might have a better crack at it, and resign as PM, as leader, and my seat, knowing that I've done all I can as Conservative leader to get Britain out of this fucking mess.

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